Gee THANKS, I was having a nice relaxing upbeat day…
35,936 notes | Reblogged: (via
I visited England 15 years ago and attempted to speak clearly enunciated American. The poor English were so mortified as they apologized profusely and asked if I would be so kind as to repeat myself because they had no goddamn clue what I had just said. After this happened a few times I started speaking in an ugly hybrid half-American/half-English fake accent and everyone was so much happier with that.
Hybrid, mind you, I didn’t try to go all Dr. Who on the natives, but rounding off the harsh Yankee accent and saying “cahn’t” instead of “kayn’t” made a world of difference.
38,819 notes | Reblogged: (via
damn kim im sorry :(
like everyone is making fun of her because shes gaining weight and has bloated ankles like shes fucking pregnant everyone shut the fuck up jfc
baby girl :c
umm. she shouldn’t be wearing those shoes then. A.) She could fall. B.) Those shoes are HORRIBLE for circulation.
A.) So pregnant women should not be allowed to do normal things because they might fall? Please note: that fetus is in one hell of a protective bubble. Pregnant women trip and fall all the time, it’s annoying rather than dangerous. If a fetus were that fragile how could it ever be expected to survive nine months?
B.) Yes, pitting edema of the lower extremities in later pregnancy is very common and quite annoying. The fluid is interstitial, it has nothing to do with circulation. A physician will tell you that the best way to deal with this is to wear tight shoes and socks to hold down the swelling.
31,930 notes | Reblogged: (via
I just saw the midnight release of the new Star Trek movie. I thought I was prepared for how hot Benedict’s character would be.
I was not prepared.
What if all women were bigger and stronger than you? And thought they were smarter? What if women were the ones who started wars? What if too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos and no K-Y Jelly? What if the state trooper who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike was a woman and carried a gun? What if the ability to menstruate was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs? What if your attractiveness to women depended on the size of your penis? What if every time women saw you they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands? What if women were always making jokes about how ugly penises are and how bad sperm tastes? What if you had to explain what’s wrong with your car to big sweaty women with greasy hands who stared at your crotch in a garage where you are surrounded by posters of naked men with hard-ons? What if men’s magazines featured cover photos of 14-year-old boys with socks tucked into the front of their jeans and articles like: “How to tell if your wife is unfaithful” or “What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate” or “The truth about impotence”? What if the doctor who examined your prostate was a woman and called you “Honey”? What if you had to inhale your boss’ stale cigar breath as she insisted that sleeping with her was part of the job? What if you couldn’t get away because the company dress code required you wear shoes designed to keep you from running? And what if after all that women still wanted you to love them?
80,308 notes | Reblogged: (via
This person’s Tumblr dash is the biggest troll on the internet. All you obnoxious anonymous humans can go home now. kthnxbye
187,465 notes | Reblogged: (via